At this stage in my life, spirituality is about connection, trying to feel part of something greater than self and hoping for feelings of community in a world that can seem isolated and isolating. Prior to this understanding I have spent time on ‘self improvement’ workshops, read some great books and met some great people along the way. All good experiences and all an exploration of the self and the other and still I was left with a sense of something missing, of wanting to push further – maybe a search for the Other?
Recently I went on a retreat near Bath and I admit to being ready to ‘do a runner’ at the first sign of indoctrination/ book thumping of any sort and, in fact, would have been quite happy just to have spent a restful weekend in beautiful surroundings, eating good food and chatting pleasantly. I did all of that but too had a wonderful experience of fellowship, meditation and fun.
I learnt about aspects of meditation that allowed me to go deeper into the experience and that I have been able to retain still. Primarily I remember the notions of ‘mindful action’ and ‘mindful acceptance’ and the idea of compassionate gentleness that we can show to ourselves and others in times of difficulty. I felt my search for meaning and expression of spirituality had been heard and responded to and that just helped me feel good, hence the quote at the top of this piece – which I wrote down so I could keep going back to it. The idea of being ‘beautiful, innocent and whole’ after carrying with me from childhood the burden of being an ‘ugly’ sinner, guilty in ‘thought word and deed’ was a gift that moved me and helped me feel the possibility of being whole.
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